Body Language for Women by Donna Van Natten

Author:Donna Van Natten
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781510751231
Publisher: Skyhorse
Published: 2020-01-14T16:00:00+00:00

This game is fiercely competitive, and the stakes are high, because the kids are competing for the love and approval of one of the two or three most important people in their world. In turn, this guarantees that the children will not like to learn and understand each other.

I urge you to think back to your own experience. Were you the eager youth with dancing eyes and a wiggly body in your desk? Did you take risks to answer the teacher’s questions, or were you fearful of not knowing the answers? Regardless, this childhood competitive process starts early and, all too often, we fail to admire those risk takers. Rather, negativity or resentment prevail as we compare ourselves to others.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t know when I say that sometimes situations are ripe for competition rather than cooperation. In every interaction with another person, our nonverbal displays demonstrate how we feel and how others perceive us. Genetically and fundamentally speaking, though, family relationships help stabilize cooperation and promote inclusiveness. Family members may “foster altruistic impulses and cooperative exchanges with individuals displaying those cues” (Christakis and Fowler, 2014).

Bunnell et al. (2012) posit that we consider friendship as an interpersonal relationship because it is quite different from blood or romantic relationships. Friendship “seeks out each other’s company, exhibits mutually helping behavior, and is joined by links of mutual generosity and trust that go beyond those expected between blood and romantic.” These bonds might actually be stronger than blood or romantic links! I challenge you to think of your best friend or closest confidant. What is your bond? Could you truly describe it and, if so, how does it differ from other relationships?

When we interact with friends and family, sometimes we become embarrassed, perhaps due to recalling a shared memory or breaking a behavioral norm. This social emotion usually happens when we are around other people, but is not often expressed when we are alone. In the company of friends and family, our embarrassment is usually less intense than when we around strangers or new people (Costa et al., 2001). Friendships and family relationships are not always consistently maintained. For example, you can “fire” a friend, but your family will typically remain close to you to some degree.

Nonverbals which demonstrate embarrassment typically include looking away, gaze aversion, disturbances in speech, face touching, silly smiles, and rigid posture. A fake smile in place of a real (Duchenne) smile while also looking down and touching one’s face might be a typical look for someone who feels embarrassed.

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